A personal post

I don't share that much personal stuff on here these days. I tend to keep family stuff a bit closer to my chest but I wanted to post a bit about my eldest son, Joshua.

Joshua is a special little guy, he's turning 6 this year and we love him to pieces. He's bright, beautiful, loving, creative, thoughtful and funny. He's also a lot of hard work. We've had behavioural issues with Joshua since he was born pretty much. He wasn't a good sleeper, is a lousy eater and tended to be way more extreme in his reactions to things than other kids. There is just no middle ground with him, it's either all on or it's all off and it's caused a fair bit of friction in our household over the years.

We knew he was a bit different but have never been able to quite put our fingers on what it was. We've looked into all the usual suspects: Aspergers, Autism, ADHD, OCD etc... but nothing quite fit. He had a little traits of each but not enough of anything to be able to actually say "yes! THAT'S what it is".

A little while ago a friend, who was also one of Joshie's kindy teachers, pointed me in the direction of gifted children. I did the online checklist. He scored 98%. We were onto something. Finally, I felt like we were on the right track. We booked him in for an assessment to find out exactly what was going on, and it's been the best $540 we've ever spent. When she nodded and smiled and said "Yes, Joshie is very gifted" I teared up and started to cry. I was so relieved. Finally we were going to be able to get some help for his often extreme behaviour that was, quite frankly, starting to tear our family apart.

Yesterday was part 2 of the assessment and we've found he's learning at a 7 year old level in a number of areas, but is only average in others and that is where his frustrations lie. He's such a perfectionist that he expects to be amazing in ALL areas and can't handle the fact he's not, so he gets aggressive and gives up. We have a way to go and one step will be to get him into the one day school programme. It's a day a week where he'll go to another school to learn with other gifted kids in the way he prefers - visually. It's hands-on, lots of fun and apparently kids that have gone there usually immediately start to find some balance in their behaviour. They learn they're not alone in thinking differently. They get some self esteem instead of punishing themselves for not being perfect. We've tried everything to boost Joshie's self esteem, and he veers from thinking he's the bees knees to being so very hard on himself that it breaks my heart. In the end his self worth has to come from him, and I'm confident that being amongst other kids like him and having teachers who really understand gifted kids will help him see what we see - just what an amazing little guy he is.

I feel like this is all the start of a very long road of working with him to try and find that balance, but at least we're on the right road now. I'm so proud of my boys. I love them both with everything that I am and I just feel so RELIEVED and positive about the future now. I now recognise that parenting a gifted child IS a much harder job and that maybe I haven't been doing the lousy job I thought I'd been doing all these years. I also know I'm not the only parent that feels this way (don't we all at some stage?) but just the knowledge of that has lifted a huge weight off my shoulders. The guilty feeling that maybe I was to blame for everything has diminished (it'll never go, I'm a mum and we thrive on guilt don't we?), but I think just KNOWING and having someone else VERIFY that yes, he's gifted; yes, he's going to be harder to parent than other children but yes, I'm doing a good job with what I know how to do has given me a real sense of peace.

I know we have a long road ahead. I know I have a lot to learn about my son and know it won't be an easy, quick fix. Our house will still be noisy and yes, we may seem to others to be THAT family in the street but I no longer care about what the neighbour's may think about us when hearing the meltdowns that I believe will become a rare event. It's going to change for the better. I'm sure of it. And that makes me happy. 

That's all, just felt the need to get it out there

L x

Comments

[Hannah]

I'm glad you have been able to make some progress and get some answers for Joshua. I've heard only amazing, positive things about the One Day School, so I hope you are able to get him in there. It must feel good to have some answers and feel like you're on the right track.

Tyler's teachers have suspected that he is gifted and he will be assessed through the school this year as all 6-year-olds are at our school. I've done a few online tests as well and he scored in the high 90's for all of them. He has struggled tremendously with self esteem and self confidence since the age of 4, but we've seen major improvement over the past year. He's now writing at the level of an 8- or 9-year-old so I really want to try to develop that skill somehow, through writing groups or something (although all the ones I have seen are for Year 5 and above). He's about a year ahead for his reading and maths too, but he learns very differently to other kids and thinks outside the box all the time, which is where his teachers have noticed that he may be gifted. We'll see what happens, I am glad he'll be assessed this year ...

[Grantandbec2]

Oh Louise!!!
I am so happy for you that you finally have something to work with!!!
We are still trying to get to that point with our son.
Your story sounds almost exactly like what we have had the past 10 years. And I am still *fighting* for my son. Everyone seems to just brush us off and not give us any help or support.
Good on you for your strength in supporting your son and the fight you have conquered to get to this point!!!
Thank you for sharing your story. As personal as it is, it gives me hope that I can get some help for my son.
Good luck with it all!

[Luzma]

Ohh Louise I can Imagine how happy and relaxed you feel after knowing this!!! I can´t explain all I want to say to you because of my language,but I had a similar experience with Yoyo,hard personality and I felt the same as you,feeling guilty etc.My thoughts are with you and I´ll be praying for all your family!!!
I send you a BIG hug!!
Luzma

[Tracy]

hey Louise :)
I am really happy for you guys that you have some answers, finally!!!
As mothers we tend to blame ourselves if there are "issues" (whatever they may be) with our kids, but we can only do what we can do.
I hope that things improve now that you have the required information to help you guys move forward.
Huggs to you
Tracy x

[Lu Benson]

That's so wonderful for you Louise! It was a big relief for us when Caeligh was assessed as gifted and not just a "brat"...

We are also "that family" in the street so don't feel too alone lol Between the eldest with his PDDNOS, the middle son with his ADHD/OCD and Caeligh with ADHD/OCD/gifted, there is always drama in our home from somebody but you just keep going the best you can and that's all you can do.

Knowledge is power so they say, so at least you know where to go from here and that's half the battle won.

Lu xx

[Lynne H]

Super happy answers have come your way. Josh will so love you both for the constant ongoing search to help him and the one day school time, I have only heard amazing things about it too.
All the best xoxox

[Christi]

That's so cool! And once he is on the right path things won't be so difficult any more. You'll just fall into a pattern and know what he needs. And it's good there is someone to work with him. All good ;)

[Rebecca Beattie]

That is fantastic news Louise! I know from chatting to you that you do HEAPS for your boys and so you shouldn't feel guilty, even though I agree it is easy to! I bet you are feeling relieved too knowing what you know may even help Lukey who seems to be developing into quite a clever little fellow himself. Hugs to you xxx

[Mich]

Glad you have some answers Louise.
We have had some answers to questions we have had too - regarding learning difficulties. Teachers at school don't see it as a problem that child is behind - but that doesn't give them a great start does it? We have started at Kip McGrath and seeing progress already.

[karen shady]

Hi Loise... I couildnt just read this without commenting. I too am a Mum of a 'gifted' child.... He is now 17, and reading your post bought back so many memories for me.... Unfortunately my son got a little lost in the system, and never really reached his full potential academically :( He is a fantastic kid though, and happy. And brings alot of joy to us.

I wish you all the beat for Joshie.... keep up the great work

Karen xx